when will it end?

Why do the demons of the past still haunt me? Why can't they leave me alone? What do they want from me? What do they gain by traumatizing me? Do they have a purpose? What could that be?

How do I fight with myself? Who wins? Me or me?!?

I thought I had conquered my fears, fought my demons, and won! I thought I had won but that was just an illusion. I am still fighting and some one has to loose.

When will it end?

is this normal??

Now I feel I am really getting married!!! And frankly, it is making me quite anxious. A lot goes behind organizing a wedding, most of which I don't personally have to worry about or do, but it still needs to be done. What if something goes wrong? What if.....? What if....? Things...thoughts keep pouring into my head. I am trying my best to keep cool, to be positive. Is this normal? I ask this to all the married folks out there - is this normal??

Thanks guys :-)

I was supposed to write about something else but I just can't help myself.

As we all know, the wedding is scheduled for 25th Jan and reception on 27th. And one of the things that I am waiting most for is meeting all my friends. And what even makes me happier is most of them are, hopefully, going to make it :-) Sumit is going to join me on 24th afternoon from Kolkata and will be with me throughout the wedding and reception. Varun plans to reach Hyd on 26th from Ahmedabad and will be with me at the reception. Iya, Abhijeet and Puja plan to reach Hyd on 27th morning from Bangalore. Amit is flying in from Delhi. Nilesh has a tentative plan as well. Other guys like Abhishek, Radhika etc are already stationed in Hyd. So far, these guys have confirmed! :-)

All I can say is that, with my best friends by my side, they are going to make this the most memorable day of my life! Thanks a lot, guys! :-) Looking forward to seeing you all....soon! Actually....can't wait!!!!!!!

What a day....

So Friday was my last full day in Dublin and I wanted to make the most of it. It was also the assessment day so we had some presentations and written tests to see if the training was any good at all or was it just a 'free' costly vacation for some of us! I did OK I guess. I won the award for the 'Best Presentation'. Written assessment followed and I scored an overall 89% which was 2nd in class. So the day was indeed going well.

By 4pm, I started walking back to my apartment, my last walk on a now very familiar path. And I was talking photographs to capture everything forever.

Just outside the office - on the right, can see only the edge of my office bldg.

The entire block from the right are the Oracle bldgs

As we walk further away! The entire Eastpoint Business Park is spread out next to the sea

This is my favorite pic!

Our walking path was right along the edge of that sea

And through housing colonies

And finally to our apartment block - Ashbrook

Walking into Ashbrook

And that is the building where I stayed!

Next post: The best evening of my life!

Observations...

Things I noticed in Dublin:
1. Strangers greet you! Doesn't matter who it is. I could be a traffic officer, biker, newspaper man, students, neighbours...absolutely anyone. If someone passes by, you get a quick smile, or a 'Morning' or a 'Hi' or a 'How ya doin?'.
2. Everyone is so apologetic! If, by chance, someone comes in your walking path, you hear an immediate 'Sorry' or 'Oops'. And that person makes way for you to pass. Even while getting onto a bus, no comes in the other person's way. Period.
3. Queues everywhere! People are ready to wait for how long it takes in queues. There isn't one person who even tries to jump the line.
4. Every bar is known as the '....... Temple Bar'. Good ambiance, great music, friendly people - worth every penny!

5. People are ready to chop off their right arm for 'the black stuff" or also known as Guinness.

'the black stuff'

Short story to narrate here: A bunch of us stepped into this bar after dinner called 'Fitzsimons' (yes, you guessed it - Fitzsimons temple bar!). Good place and while we were placing our order, a relatively drunk man walked up to my colleague, who was standing right next to an empty chair, and asked her "How much for that chair?". We all look up. And he asks the same question again. Startled, my colleague, Selma, replies "Take it, it's for free". Quickly the man replies, "Sorry to take the chair away from you dear. It is for this women, ya see, who I wanna have sex with tonight!" We all broke into a laughter. And the guy picks up the chair and walks off, also laughing!

So far, I've received extremely warm hospitality from folks in Dublin. I guess we all should learn a thing or two from the Irish!

Dub...Dub...Dublin!!!

Every new hire who joins Oracle Dubai is required to attend a 3 weeks (now 2 weeks!) foundation training in Dublin, Ireland. So, here I am, in Dublin! Got here at 5am today. It is raining, max temp 8 deg. with a min of 4 deg. The apartment is good, well equipped with all essentials (stove, microwave, refrigerator, washing machine, TV, DVD player...even an iron!). All I need to get is foodstuff and I am good to go! The heating system is amazing - probably that's why I've not frozen to death....yet! But, best of all, it has wi-fi! :-) It's almost like home away from home!

That's the living roomFrom the couch in the living room - kitchen and dinning table

That's my bed room!

And what I love best about this apartment - the kitchen!

Training starts tomorrow morning at 9am. I don't have a flatmate yet but I am sure my luck is gonna run out soon. I have another colleague whose travelling with me. She's now my next door neighbour.

Looking forward to an interesting & 'cold' next couple of weeks!

Satisfied...

Yesterday, I experienced something so unique, fulfilling and satisfying that I couldn't help wonder why I hadn't done something like this before. I have been earning since May 2005. So I've had a stable income for quite some time now. But for the first time ever, I had a chance to hand over my entire monthly salary in the hands of my parents! Oh, and how do I describe the expressions on their faces!!! And how do I describe how I felt?!! I think words cannot do justice so I will quit trying. All I can say is that - It was the most satisfying feeling ever!!! :-)

I will be there

I'm not the sorts who needs a medium like this to express my feelings - specially for my friends. I'd rather go upto the person and blurt it out - good or bad! But I know one such person who I haven't really acknowledged as much, some one who has been in my life for close to 8 yrs now, and we still sparingly speak, meet up once in a while, update ourselves, but that one meeting is a time when I think I am totally myself.

This person's name is Khalid or more fondly known as 'kaddy'. I really don't know why I write about him but I just felt like taking out some time to collate my thoughts together for this guy. We met back in 1999 when I first landed in Aurangabad for my engineering. And to say that we immediately hit off would be the biggest understatement of the year! Here were 2 dudes who wanted exactly the same things in life - fun, food, films and females! And together, we set off on our mission! Every single day was an adventure and we, almost, did about everything possible! I will spare the details for an other day. But, more importantly, I felt I found someone who was my alter-ego! I'd only heard of such friends but I think I had found one!

And then, something happened. Things snapped between us. I still don't know the real reasons. Ego, change in priorities, attitude, maturity, misunderstandings - I think each had a factor to play. We drifted apart. We were still friends, only not the best of friends! But I remember the time I spent with him and how I enjoyed every minute of that time. I remember how his presence had made it easier for me to start a new life in a new city after living 17 yrs abroad. I remember everything!

He is married now and, very soon, his wife will be joining him in Dubai. He starts a new life, amidst tensions and pressures in his personal and professional life, both of which are really stretching him. He has done well for himself to come this far. And I am sure he has a long way to go. I am sure he is not going to be pulled down by all this.

And, God forbid, if he does loose his footing, I will be there!

Honeymoon

Finally, I found something that I can do for the wedding that is of my interest - searching for honeymoon packages!! Where to go? for how long? when? how much moolah? etc etc. My first option is Italy. It has always been my dream destination. The remarkable history associated with that country, the absolutely breath-taking scenic beauty, the castles, mountains, museums, rivers, islands, fashion, pasta, Ferrari! - just the very thought of it completely spins my mind. Rome, Venice, Florence, Pisa, Milan, Bologna...the list is endless. I always wondered what makes a honeymoon special? I don't have any prior experience (:p) but I am guessing its gota be something like this. So, that's that! Decided - Italy it is!
I am tempted to look for other backup options but that would take my mind off Italy. So, for now, I'm gona spend all my time figuring out a good Italian honeymoon package for myself. Cheers!

Should'nt I be doing some thing as well?

The wedding has created such a stir in my family. All of a sudden, all tasks are P1. My dad, who is in India for the last 15 days, and if we go by the speed of his preparations, maybe thinks the wedding is...next week! He's got the travelling taken care off - both, train reservations and cars, wedding hall - booked, head chef - booked (and I am sure the menu as well, though I cannot confirm that just yet), invitation cards - in the printing press, hotel accommodation for the guests - booked, renovations to our ancestral home - started.... (and I am sure the list is longer! He's back this Friday and I will get to know more).

My eldest sister-in-law has asked for services of her elder brother (who is a fashion designer) for the wedding and reception dresses for herself and for my nephew, who is 4! My other sister-in-law spends 2 hrs in the market every day checking out what's hot on the fashion scene. And my sister, who is currently in India, calls me every day to discuss what she thinks we should do with the bride's dress, make-up, travelling plans etc. My mom, oh well, like all other moms, is coordinating the whole thing.

All this when we have a good 3 months to go. Frankly, I begin to wonder....isn't there something that I should be doing as well?

Gold? Done!

Yesterday evening, the first item of the wedding's shopping list was ticked off - Gold!

And boy, did it dig a hole in my pocket!! Quite a coincidence that I got my first salary yesterday too. Need I say more?!!

Oh, by the way, what's with the gold price these days? All it does is - go up! They say it is coz of a possible recession in the US economy, weak dollar, fluctuating oil prices, subprime crisis bla bla n more bla. Frankly, my economy is in danger if this remains the case! Gold is at an all-time high this week and is expected to go further up by the end of this year. So in anticipation of that, we went ahead and took the plunge.

And then, there's always Murphy's law!

Wedding Bells

So, I am getting married!

Not sure if I am happy, scared, nervous, worried, ecstatic or sad...

They say 'Marriages are made in heaven'. Really? I don't know and maybe I might never find out. But I see a lot of happily married people (with or without kids) around me, living perfectly normal, happy lives and that drives me towards optimism. Maybe, marriages can be successful after all. Maybe, there is some profound wisdom behind that saying after all. I guess only time will tell.

But yes, exactly 3 months from today, my life will change forever! I will be married to the women of my dreams. That very thought brought a smile on my face.

Maybe, I really am happy..